The Monster Inside Me
by plurds
Summary: Take place in season 2 before "Surprise". Angel has a dream of biting Buffy and it worries him that she is not safe with him. Meanwhile teenage girls in Sunnydale are being kidnapped, tortured, raped, and murdered and Buffy has to investigate.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey guys! So this is my first Buffy fan fic. I was influenced by the poem, "Porphyria's Lover" by Robert Browing and I came up with the idea in English class while reading it. I also used the song "Monster" by Paramore as an influence. If people like it enough I'll continue it so please review! Thanks! :)**

Buffy, Willow, and Xander sat in English class. The bell hadn't run yet but their teacher was erasing something on the chalkboard. The class chatted among themselves.

"So how's Angel?" Willow excitedly asked Buffy.

"Oh joy! It's 'Let's Talk About Angel, the Hottest Vampire On Earth' time" Xander interjected, annoyed. He turned himself around and faced forward, "Let me know when you guys are done talking about him"

Buffy ignoring Xander and smiled at Willow. Willow looked at her with confusion, "What? Why are you smiling at me?" Buffy continued to smile at her. Out of desperation Willow gave in, "Buffy, what is it?" She moved her head about an inch from Willow's and whispered, "We are having a candle light dinner in my room. My mom is gone for the weekend so there's no way she could know"

Shocked, Willow replied "Buffy…. Are you going to…."

"You mean….that… no, I don't know"

Buffy's smile faded into a frown, "We haven't really spoken about that. It's not that I'm trying to push it. I'm ready and when it happens, it happen but I'm not quite sure if Angel is on the same page"

"Well. You should maybe bring it up maybe… so you can talk about it"

The bell rang. "Okay class" The teacher spoke, "That's the bell. Please pull out your English text books and turn to page 457. Today we are going to read Robert Browning's 'Porphyria's Lover'".

**There was a knock at the door. He had everything perfect for her. There were candles lit all around his room. He just changed his sheets making sure they were the cleanest. He wanted tonight to be the highlight of his life. She made him forget everything he had done in the past. All the killings and torture he inflicted on others were nothing but the past when he was with her. She was nothing but pure happiness for him and that was the only thing he needed. He loved her.**

**He opened the door and saw Buffy Summers, the love of his life, standing in a long white gown. It was the same exact one she wore on the night she confronted The Master in. Her blonde shoulder length hair was in a tight bun that defined her plump pink cheeks. Around her neck hung the silver cross he had given her on the day they met. Their eyes locked on contact.**

**"Uh. Hi."**

**Her eyes blue eyes twinkled and he placed his arm around her waist pulling her inside and closing the door behind her. They embraced each other tightly. As they moved into each other, their lips barely touching, a bell rang. Angel looked up annoyed as Buffy rested her head against his.**

**"That's the mashed potatoes" He groaned annoyed. She giggled, "You made mash potatoes?".**

**"Yes, I did. They aren't just any ordinary batch of mash potatoes. They're special so you can't opt out by saying you don't eat carbs or whatever women of today say"**

**He led her over to a low Japanese table set up in the living room.**

**"Just sit down right here. I'll be right back" he said as he left her sitting at the table. She looked at the table. It was beautifully incrusted with Japanese engravings. The table, made of chestnut wood, had to be very expensive. Everything that hung on the wall in Angel's basement looked to have somewhat of value. On the wall to the right, hung a metal shield. It looked very dated. She was sure Giles would love have a good look at it.**

**Angel came back holding two plates of mashed potatoes, what looked like some kind of meat, and salad. He placed the plate in front of her.**

**"Bon appetite"**

**He placed his plate down and sat across from her. The sweet aroma tickled Buffy's nose and she smiled of contentness. He noticed the happiness inside of her.**

**"You haven't even had a bite of your dinner and you're already smiling?"**

**She picked up her fork with her tiny hands and gently touched the potatoes with her fork, scooping up a small fluff. "I'm just happy to be here with you." She placed the fork in her mouth and chewed.**

**"Me too" he agreed.**

**She took another bite of the potatoes, "This is really good, Angel. Where did you learn to cook like this?"**

**"It was my mother's recipe. When I was young she taught me how to make it. You have to get just the right amount of spices."**

**Buffy's heart dropped. His mother. He killed her. He must feel remorse now that he had his soul. What was it like to kill your own parents? Even if it had to be done, she could never kill her mom. Her relationship at this time was the only "normal" one she had. With Willow and Xander they mostly focused on slaying stuff, though they had fun, but with her mom it was completely different. She knew nothing of her destiny. Sometimes it pained Buffy that her mom could never know. If something ever happened to Buffy… she couldn't even bare to think such thoughts.**

**"What was your mother like?" Buffy scolded herself inside, "_Way to go Buff, make him feel more remorseful"_**

**"She was beautiful. She was always dressed appropriately. She was never cross with my brothers and sisters and I. I had always told myself that I would grow up to marry a beautiful and kind woman like her."**

**"There's still hope"**

**Angel frowned, stood up, and turned his back to Buffy.**

**"There is no hope for me. I'm doomed" he whimpered.**

**Buffy went to him. She reached her hands around his waist and pulled him close. Resting her head on his back she whispered, "You have hope. You have me". He turned around and looked her in the eye. He could feel her warm blood racing through her petite body, "I want you." He placed a hand on his cheek, "Then, take me" She whispered. He put his lips to her neck and dug his teeth into her skin. He could taste the rich warm blood on his lips.**

Angel woke up instantly, in a sweat. His body was moist and he was panting. It was a dream, just a dream. The dream was so vivid it could have been real. He pulled himself out of bed. He placed his face in his palms.

"_I can't hurt her. She's all I have"_

Buffy, Xander, and Willow left their English class.

"That class is such a bore" Buffy yawned.

"Totally. What about that poem we read today? Super creepy." Willow shivered with goose bumps

"A Man who kills his love. You know what I call that? A monster." Xander spat

"Let's just hope that doesn't happen to us" Buffy said to Willow and Xander automatically glared at her.

"Xander, how many times do I have to tell you? Angel is a good vampire"

"Hello! Vampire? I think we can count that as a 'monster'"

Willow interjected, "Xander, I think Buffy has gotten to a point where she doesn't care about your opinion so trying to persuade her to stop loving Angel isn't going to happen"

As they approached the outside courtyard Xander began to span the scenery, "Okay well it was great talking to you both. I'll see you tomorrow". He left them, appearing out of sight. Buffy and Willow exchanged confused glances.

"Hm. That's weird. You totally just let Xander have it and he ignored it" Buffy said.

"Yeah. I know" She said surprised, "Ha I told him. Go me."

Buffy giggled at her Willow's awkward moment of glory. She opened her backpack and pulled out her math binder, "Hey I gotta go talk to Mr. Reading about letting me retake my math quiz. I'll talk to you later"

"And do not tell Giles that the reason why I can't patrol is because I'm seeing Angel. If it comes up just say I'm grounded… or something" Buffy said back to her friend.

Willow stood in the hall, alone, "I'm horrible at lying"

"Willow!" Giles came coming down the steps, "Do you know where Buffy is? I need to speak with her". The back of Willow's neck became very hot and she felt her palms begin to sweat, "Uh. Yea. Buffy. She went to Mr. Reading classroom. She has to uh retake a quiz"

Giles' face dropped, "She failed a quiz? Did she study?"

Willow body cramped, she was nervous, "Uh. Yeah. No. I don't know!"

"Okay well, when you see her tell her to meet me in the library. She needs to patrol tonight"

"Oh. She can't Angel is going over to her house and they're having a romantic dinner alone" Willow said smiling with love drunkenness. The second she realized she told him exactly what Buffy said not to she tried to take it back, "Erm. No, I didn't mean that. I actually meant… I don't know what I meant urgh!" Willow walked away exasperated with frustration.

Giles watched Willow stamp down the hallway confused.

After school Buffy stopped by the library. When she entered the double doors she saw Giles sitting down at the table reading a book. He noticed her enter, "Ah, Buffy" he said getting up from his chair to meet her, "Just the one I wanted to speak with"

"If the subject you want to speak about is slaying vampires, than I'm your girl" she said smiling gleeful, "Oh but I can't slay any tonight. I'm grounded"

Giles looked interested, "Oh really? Well I remember you saying your mother was going to be away this weekend. Why would she ground you and let you stay all alone at home?"

"Oh… yeah she decided she would stay home"

"Willow mentioned Angel was going to come over."

Buffy was annoyed, "Ugh Willow" she said quietly to herself, "Yeah he's uh, having dinner with us. Mom said if I couldn't go out I might as well let him come to me"

"Buffy, I know your mother will not be home and I know Angel is coming to your house"

Busted. Buffy was embarrassed. Of course Willow couldn't keep her big mouth shut.

"Giles, Look, I just want to be a regular teenager and be able to have fun. Blame me for wanting to be normal why don't, you"

"But Buffy, Alone… with Angel…"

Buffy became disgusted, "GILES! NO. Ew we are not… doing that"

Giles stepped back a little surprised, "Oh… I wasn't implying…"

Willow and Xander entered the library.

"What's going on?" Xander said completely unaware of the subject of their conversation

"I gotta go" Buffy said as she jetted out the doors.

Xander and Willow exchanged confused glances.

"I have a feeling this was all my fault" Willow said with worry

Giles glared at her, "You're right. It is."

Buffy sat in her dark room illuminated by candle lights. He made sure to clean her room and make her bed before he came tonight. It took her almost 2 hours to get every single speck of dust off her furniture. She even found spiders hiding in the corners of her room, which to her dismay were large. Luckily for her, she tough enough to smash their bodies that ultimately lead to their death. She found an old round table in the basement that her mom had at their old house and placed it in the middle of her room. She set the tables, placing forks, knifes, napkins. Even if he did not want to eat he wanted it to appear as normal as possible.

She prayed some of her perfume into the room, making it smell of fresh flowers.

As her back was turned to her window she heard a crack in the trees. She instantly pulled out her stake. It was an automatic thing now. Slowly she stepped to her window and peered out. Nothing seemed to be wrong. As she turned around she saw Angel there sitting on her bed. She gasped with surprise.

In a second he was up on his feet, at her side, embracing her, "I'm sorry. Did I scare you?"

"Only a little. How did you get in?"

"The front door. I tried to be as human as possible"

Buffy giggled, resting her head on his chest, "The humanly thing to do would be to knock first."

"Oh. Right"

Buffy pulled away from him and peered down at her watch and realized it was only 6:30. Angel said he would come at 7.

"Why are you here so early? I know it's because you can't wait just 30 minutes to see me" she joked placing her palm on his right cheek. He placed his left hand on hers, "Yeah. About that…"

He stared into her beautiful eyes. She looked up at him with bewilderment, probably expecting him to say something cute and make her say "Aw". "Uh. Can we still down?" he asked, nervously.

"Sure" She said confused. He led her to her bed. Buffy leaned her back against her backboard, hoping Angel would sit near her. Instead he sat on the foot of the bed with his back faced to her. Something was wrong. His demeanor was off and the way he was acting wasn't normal.

"Buffy, when I'm around you, all I can do is think of ways to get you to kiss me. I think about you before I go to bed and when I wake up. I have never felt this way about someone before. If something ever happened to you… I don't know what I would do. But I know what I would feel. I would feel like dying."

"Don't say things like that"

"It's true"

"Well nothing is going to happen to me then"

"What if I did something to you…?"

"Angel, what is going on? What brought this on all of a sudden?"

He looked back at her, "I had a dream. You were in my studio… and-"

"And what, Angel?" her toned was annoyed. She was confused. If only she knew what was going inside his head. He didn't answer so she scooted herself behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist. "Nothing is going to happen to me" she whispered into his ear.

"You say that now"

"I'm the Slayer. I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself"

He ripped out of her arms and went over to the window in frustration, "NO! You don't understand! You may be the Slayer but you're still a human and humans have weaknesses"

"If you're saying I can't take care of myself, you're wrong"

"You can't take care of yourself with me. You trust me too much. I could easily hurt you"

"Yeah right"

In moments times he was facing her, his face demonic and his teeth showing. "I'm just a monster. Don't open yourself up to me"


	2. Chapter 2

"Where are you taking me?" Selia Carver asked, drunk and tired as she followed a mysterious man. "_Shit I better not be wasting my time with this guy" _she thought. She had made out with some random guy the other night here to only find that in the light he didn't have much to look at. She wasn't even looking for much, just a hot guy to hook up with. She guessed that was asking a lot in this world.

It was just yesterday her parents kicked her out of the house. The reason they came up with was the kicker, though. Okay, sure, she had loads of marijuana stashed in her closet but it wasn't like she was smoking it… just selling it. They did say that they wanted her to make her own money and she was doing that, except she was using the money for other activities other than attaining a higher education. After graduating from Hemery High School a year ago, Selia really had no future ahead of her. She barely got away with graduating with her low credits. She planned on just taking senior year over again when a freshman, Buffy Summers, offered her a position in the gardening club. The odd thing about the occurrence was that quickly after she joined the club, it dismantled. She had only been to the meetings once and when she attended the second she fell asleep during it and didn't hear the news that the club would disband. After all that the school still counted it as credit, even for being in the club for about a day.

"_Please be hot. Please be hot. Please be hot" _she repeated in her mind. _He_ led around outside The Bronze into a dark alleyway. She had a tough night. Her boyfriend just broke up with her that day and she had no reason why. She considered the fact that maybe it was because he caught her with another guy at restaurant but she quickly ignored the idea. Through the back door she exited out into a dark alleyway behind the club. It was very close to pitch black, the only light shining from the two lamp posts, one near her and another toward the end of the alleyway. The guy she followed was gone. She swore he was right in front of her. Something in her gut was telling her something was wrong.

"Uh, hello? Where did you go?" she called out, worried.

"I'm right here" the voice was eerie and sounded like a snarl suddenly she felt something bite into her neck and she screamed of fear and agony and everything went black.

"So you guys just talked?"

Willow and Buffy sat on a bench outside in front of school. "Yup. Just talked" Buffy replied before taking a bite out of her PBJ sandwich.

"Well what did you guys talk about?"

"Angel had some crazy dream about him biting me. No big deal. He's all worried he's gonna actually do it"

Willow's jaw dropped, "No big deal! That's a big deal" she paused and then said, "Dreams are usually thoughts of the unconscious… that means he was thinking of putting his lips to your neck" she smiled.

"Willow, please." She scolded.

Willow's smile dropped, "Sorry"

"Anyways, he's acting like I'm some frail little girl who can't take care of myself which is obviously not true because I'm the-"

"Slayer. Yeah Buffy, we know" She reassured her. "So I'm guessing you guys didn't do… you know?"

Xander came up behind them, "Do what?" oblivious to their conversation they were having before he arrived. He looked extremely different today. He had a serious case of bedhead hair. It went in every direction. His light blue button up shirt was inside out and the buttons did not match with their corresponding buttons. He had a quite visible red mark above his lip. Buffy took one look at him and laughed.

"That's a good look for you, Xander. Try actually waking up early enough to get dressed properly. It might help you in the future" She patted him on the back as she left Willow and Xander to head to the library

"Gotta talk to Giles. I'll see ya, guys"

Xander expressed confusion, "What were you guys talking about?"

"Oh nothing, important" Willow placed her thumb on the red mark above his lip, "What's that?"

"What's what?" He asked

"The red mark above your lip."

He nervous felt above his lip and dug through his mind to come up with a believable explanation for it.

"Oh yeah, I uh, kissed my aunt Margret this morning. She wears red lip stick"

Willow received a visual of an old lady kissing Xander on the lips and shivered, "Ew"

"Yeah don't worry, Willow. This guy doesn't have a hidden make out buddy or anything"

"Of course you don't, Xander" she smiled, "Xander Harris doesn't get the girl, he pursues the girl"

He looked at her dumbfounded, "Hey. Not true" he protested.

As Buffy entered the library doors she knew something was wrong. There were students in the library. Two of them, a boy and a girl stood behind the counter as Giles marked something down on paper.

"Sorry, can I get your last name again?" he said to the girl. She didn't look special. She actually looked really pain and simple. She wore a long brown skirt with a long sleeved blouse and white keds. She dressed like Buffy's grandma.

She spoke very quietly, "Newman. N-E-W-M-A-N"

Giles nodded his head in approval, "Thank you. You two are all set to go"

"Thank you" They both said at the same time in emotionless tone and left the library. As they passed Buffy, the girl gave her a peculiar glare. Buffy ignored it. Freaks.

"Since when do we actually have people come in here?" Buffy chided as she stepped over to the table and placed her back pack on the adjoining chair. Giles shook his head disapprovingly. He had to know her sarcastic remarks were only expressing of her lively personality by now.

"I'm glad you stopped by actually, I wanted to show you this" He said as he pulled out the Sunnydale newspaper. The date in the corner was that day. The headline read:

"Girl mysteriously murdered outside of club"

Buffy looked up at Giles with astonishment

"Keep reading"

She began to read the text:

"Selia Carver, 19 years old and a new graduate of Hemery High School, was found murdered in the alley behind the notorious night club, the Bronze, last night. Sunnydale medical examiner said that the wounds that caused Carver's death resembled an animal bite but cannot be determined until further tests are taken. Interestingly, the examiner also determined that Carver was raped shortly before death which leads to the fact that an animal bite cannot be the cause of death. Police are still investigating into the case but are focusing more on what would cause the puncture wounds than who murdered her at this time."

Selia. Buffy knew her. She didn't know her well but she heard stories of her. All the boys at Hemery high said she was easy. All the girls said she was stupid. She would always wear the ugliest skirts to school. They had ugly patterns, circles and swirls, and were always a certain shade of green. Buffy had a feeling green was her favorite color. It was only a guess though.

She did speak to her once… or a couple times. When Buffy had to deal with that ugly green fern demon she had to go undercover as garden club member to find out the secrets they were hiding. They didn't share information with her until she proved her loyalty by bringing the demon food: which were to be human. Selia was that human. But Buffy knocked her out and locked her in the broom closet to keep her safe while she fought the monster.

A pit formed in Buffy's stomach. Throwing her in the closet, that was all for nothing. She ended up dying. Something formed inside of her. It was anger.

"I knew her"

Giles was quick to answer, "Buffy, I'm so sorry…"

She looked up at him with moist eyes, "It's my fault. If I had gone out hunting…"

"Buffy, stop. You can't get them all"

"She was raped" Buffy said bluntly

Giles looked at her confused.

"Vampires usually go for the neck not the… you know" she continued

Giles' face lit up, "Well I can do some research to see if there has been any other cases like this one" He ran up the steps and began to look through the books on the bookcases". The bell rang.

"Okay you research and I'll go sleep during geometry. Sounds like a good plan" She left the library and ran into Cordelia as the double doors closed behind her.

"Oh Cordelia, hi" Buffy greeted her with more enthusiasm than she would have expected from herself.

Cordelia looked nervous. Her eyes were wide and her posture was very strained.

"Have you seen Xander?"

"No? You need him to do your biology project or something?"

She laughed sarcastically and not interested, "No that's what I have the nerds for. Duh"

Buffy put her hands in the hair in a sign of defeat, "Okay, well, if I see him I'll tell him you were looking for him"

After school Buffy stopped by Angel's underground studio suite. She had to speak with him, just to make sure everything with him was okay. From their conversation the other night Buffy knew he felt uneasy. She understood his worry but she had to reassure him that all it ever would be was worry and nothing would come out of it.

Buffy knocked slowing on his door and Angel opened it almost immediately. His expression was as if he expected her but his words were the complete opposite, "Don't you have school?"

Buffy pushed her way in, forcing Angel to step aside, "I get out at 3"

"Oh" he said digging his foot into the floor.

Buffy looked around his abode, realizing it was a little more messy than usual. Random things were strewn around. Angel's coats were laid over the chairs. His bed was not made which was very unusual because Angel was very conscious about making his bed. Even when he would enter Buffy's room he would have a fit about her bed not being made.

"Very clean, Angel"

He rolled his eyes and rushed over to chairs to collect his coats. Something was wrong with him. He was jumpy and he gave her that annoyed look and it wasn't his playful annoyed look he would give her when she spat out a sarcastic joke.

He began to fig it with his coats, picking one up looking at it and then put it down and picking up the other and doing the same with it. It was odd. Buffy went to his side, "Angel, are you ok?" she said as she grabbed his hand, placing her head on his shoulder. He was completely ignoring her.

Buffy pouted her lips and looked up at her broody boyfriend, "Angel, what's wrong"

No answer

"Angel… I'm not wearing any underwear" she purred seductively

He kept on fidgeting with his jackets and shirts.

"Angel!" she exclaimed, almost yelling. This time she seemed to get his attention

He snapped out of his creepy behavior and looked down into Buffy's eyes, "Oh sorry. I'm trying to change my dressing style up… you know put a little color into it"

Buffy looked down at the brown V-neck shit Angel was holding with confusion, "Uh yeah… well I guess brown is a 'color'. Yeah I was a little worried I had lost you…"

"Lost me? You will never lose me"

He gently kissed her cheek but right that moment he felt a surge of desire. He could feel the beast crawling out of him. He quickly turned away from her to shield her eyes from seeing his true vampiric form.

"He should probably go" he said in a sardonic voice

"Did I do something wrong"

His face eased up and he turned around facing Buffy, "No I'm just not feeling so good". He had to lie to her. He didn't want her to know that he was in pain.

"Okay! If you say so" she said in her cheerful voice that was followed with a light kiss on his cheek. As she opened the door to the outside world, Angel winced from the tiny crack of light that crept into his darken abode.

"_One way or another, she's going to find out. She's going to see that you're a sadistic animal and she's not going to want you anymore. There's no avoiding it, Angel, you are destined to kill_"

Angel ignored the beast inside him. Angelus would never return. He would make sure of that.

Xander, Cordelia, and Giles sat at the wooden table in Sunnydale High's library. It was 12:23 am but the time was being ignored due to the 'round the clock research on the murder case of Selia Carver. Giles quietly sipped his coffee as he turned the pages of an ancient book about vampires. Once in a while if he discovered something that was interesting enough he would take down notes on a small note pad. Just as Xander quietly closed his eyes to fall asleep Cordelia slapped her hand on the table, "I found something!" She exclaimed with glee. Giles urgently rushed to her side and looked down at the book as she read the lines, "There have been few cases of women being bitten and raped. Vampires usually take pride in the kill so the act of rape is rarely seen but in 1955 there was a case of a teenage girl who was found dead and with the phorensics was founded to be raped before being drained of her blood-" Giles stopped her from going on, "Thank Cordelia but I think I can read the rest. You and Xander should go home now".

"Did you hear that sleepy head?" Cordy said as she turned to Xander, "We can go home now. Come on let's go". Xander lifted his head off the table and nodded as he tried to wake himself up. Cordelia and Xander left Giles and as they were leaving school campus they saw Linda Henry, the school's swim and dive star lugging her bag on her shoulder and leaving too.

As they walked down the hallway, Xander called out to her, who was far ahead of them.

"Linda! Hey! What are you doing here?" He rushed to catch up with her and at first she was taken aback, "Oh I- Uh- Well… Coach gave me the key to the pool so I can train, you know, like in quiet" by the time she finished her sentence Cordelia had caught up to them. Cordelia smiled at Linda as a greeting.

"What about you guys? You guys know why I am here at 12:30 in the morning but there must be some reason you're here?"

Xander began very quiet and after opening his mouth to say something he closed it before giving her an answer.

"We help the librarian with organizing sometimes" Cordy said smiling, her smile fake, of course.

"Right" Linda said a little confused.

As they walked and talked the exited the main doors of the school Linda waved goodbye to them as she walked to her car across the street. Xander and Cordelia watched her from afar.

"Who would want to come to school when you weren't being forced to?" Xander asked dumbfounded

Cordelia looked at him like he was an idiot. He realized her glare, "Oh right… us"

"Sometimes I don't know about you Xander but you know what I do know?"

"What?" he asked.

"That I want to kiss you"

Automatically they passionately kissed ignoring that a black van had pulled up behind Linda's car. As Linda went to open up her car a man rushed out of the van, wrapped a gag around her mouth and yanked her into the van. As the loud slam of the sliding door closed Xander and Cordy stopped kissing and realized that Linda was kidnapped. But there was nothing they could do because by the time they rushed to the car the van was speeding down the street into the dark night.


End file.
